


Fearless

by emungere



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-03
Updated: 2005-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 01:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2713160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emungere/pseuds/emungere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gojyo does some thinking the night they stay at Shunrei's house.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fearless

**Author's Note:**

> Gratitude and kisses to Chrissy for betaing in yet another fandom she doesn't know.

Are you scared, I asked Shunrei. Truth was, I wanted her to be scared. Nah, that's not truth. I wanted to be as scary as I knew how, back her up against the wall, trap her and still have her smile, sweet and unafraid.

If he was my Jien, I had to make sure, see? I had to know that she wouldn't freak on him just because he was what he was. Just because she smelled a little blood on him. I figured if she could handle me, halfbreed and stinking of death, she'd have no problem with him. No matter who he was when he came back.

She wasn't scared. Not at all. She should have been. I'm a scary guy. 

She started crying then. Missing him so bad it hurt, I guess. Like I used to miss him right after he left. I was close enough to touch her. Would have, too, but I don't do that. Like I told her, I won't touch another man's property.

Only right then, I had this thought.

Me and Hakkai, before we left on this crazy trip... It was our last night at the house, and he-- and I-- Yeah, let's skip all that for now. I still don't know what to think about it and mostly I try really goddamn hard not to think about it at all, because it makes my dick sit up and beg when I do.

Anyway.

It comes down to this--now I'm another man's property.

Unless it was just that one night. But he's kissed me since, and I haven't stopped him. And he looks at me sometimes. Like-- I don't even know what that look is. But I like it.

So she's his, and I'm Hakkai's--maybe--and I dried her tears and left her there.

Everyone else was asleep by then. Monkey-boy was snoring like a pig, and Sanzo had his pillow over his head. Hakkai was curled on his side. His eyes opened when I sat down on the bed. He didn't say anything, just looked at me. Like that.

I pulled off the borrowed shirt and sandals and climbed in next to him and let him kiss me. Bending over me, hair brushing my face till all I could see was a sort of pale blur in the dark and little flickers of light that were the moon reflected in his eyes.

I lay back and let him move over me, thigh between my legs, lips gentle just under my jaw, open mouth, light suction, the occasional tickling sweep of his tongue. My neck arched back and I got a hand in his hair, and he stopped what he was doing and licked one long line up the side of my neck.

"Do you want more?" Just a breath against my skin, so quiet. He pulled back to see my reaction.

I know he could feel me, hard as steel, digging into his leg. He asked anyway, and when I said no without meeting his eyes, he didn't call me a liar. He kissed me instead, mouth covering mine, hands carefully staying clear of sensitive areas, combing through my hair, holding my chin lightly as he teased my mouth open. Kisses that went deeper and deeper, and I was so hard I hurt. So hard I had to pull away or keep going.

I pulled away, and he let me go.

"Good night," he murmured, and I wanted to explain that it wasn't because I didn't want to or because I was scared, that it was just because Sanzo and the kid were right fucking there, not two feet away and that would put anyone off.

Only I didn't say any of that, because it wasn't true. Well, okay, I wasn't keen on letting Hakkai fuck me anywhere Sanzo might wake up and get an eyeful, but mostly I was scared. He probably knew that.

What would it mean if we did it again? What would it make me if he was fucking me every night? I wasn't sure I cared, and that was the worst.

He let me slide off the bed--I think if he'd touched me at all, I would have stayed--and closed his eyes. I sat on the floor and looked up at him and couldn't go any further. Not the few feet to my own sleeping mat, not another inch. I sat with my head propped on my hand and watched him pretend to sleep until my eyes closed.

I hoped her Jien was my Jien because she was a hell of a lot braver than I was. I hoped the next place we stayed at, me and Hakkai got a room to ourselves.

I'm still hoping on that one. I'm sick of being scared.


End file.
